If I Were You

This is one of my least favorite exercises. You know what I'm talking about......"if I were you, I would have done (whatever)." There are some cases where it can be constructive. During a brainstorming session of strategy, if a teammate says "if I were you I think I might consider (whatever)." As long as it's prior to the event, looking at how to approach going forward. I don't think it's ever constructive after the fact.

I catch myself starting to do it every now and then, and very consciously stop myself and re-phrase. Actually, one of the rare times I get defensive is when somebody says it to me after the fact. How do you know that's what you would have done? Do you know all of the surrounding circumstances? If that's what you would have done, why didn't you do it last time you were in a similar situation??

When used after the fact, this phrase can only knock somebody down......I don't think it does anything to build someone up. It's like "I told you so" but maybe even worse because you didn't try to warn me prior to.

Anyone can look at someone else's event and tell them what they would have done differently after the event didn't go well. You don't hear them say what they would have done differently if the event did go well.

I understand the intent, and that it's often meant to be constructive. I think there are better ways to phrase, position, and time it.........in many cases anyways.